Literacy therapy supports mothers' coping

"The most rewarding thing was to be in touch with my difficult feelings and to have someone to talk to."

- Participant in the Words about Motherhood group

Motherhood is changing. The definition of a good mother has become stricter and more diverse in the 21st century. The media, including social media, present more and more contradictory demands and expectations for mothers. At the same time, many people are worried that we Finns are not multiplying enough. This puts even more pressure on women. 

Psychologist and psychotherapist Hannele Törrönen writes aptly about motherhood in her book Vauvan kanssa vanhemmiksi (Bookstore 2015):  

Motherhood is a hot and strange thing. It is both obvious to us and always a mystery. Motherhood is the most personal experience, but it is also strongly framed by our own community, culture and time.

Motherhood is a big thing, so big that it never really fits into one thought. Motherhood is idealised, demonised and trivialised.

Becoming a mother in 2009 was also a big upheaval for me. I had been thinking about motherhood and motherhood for years, but it was only after the birth of my child that I really understood how motherhood and the conflicting roles and expectations that come with it can test a woman's identity, wellbeing and even mental health. 

Mothers need support

The life of a mother, especially of a small child, is often a rollercoaster of emotions, with twists and turns, ups and downs, and feelings of great love, confusion, joy, fear, infatuation, guilt and even anger. 

The aim of literary therapy groups for mothers is to offer participants a breathing space to explore and articulate thoughts and feelings about motherhood through reading, discussion and writing, to share them with other mothers and to learn to identify where negative thoughts and feelings come from.

I want to help participants discover their own strengths as women and mothers and gain new ideas and insights to support their own lives. 

Literary therapy is about interaction

I base my group planning and facilitation on the ideas of literary therapy, which you can find out more about in here. Like the American social worker and literary therapist Sherry Reiter, I strongly believe that the best way to rise above feelings of anger, fear, pain and confusion is to first identify your feelings, then externalise them on paper and finally look at them from different perspectives. 

In my groups and in literary therapy in general, interaction between the facilitator, the group members and the text is also important. Although reading and writing can be therapeutic in itself, literacy therapy always involves discussing the feelings and thoughts generated by reading and writing. Personal reaction to the text is important, but discussion with the facilitator and other group members can take understanding to a whole new level. 

Reducing worries by sharing

The topics of the groups vary according to the wishes and needs of the participants, but common themes include exploring the self and womanhood, maternal roles and identity, hopes, fears and memories of the waiting period and childbirth, the maternal relationship and the generational chain, worries and fears related to motherhood, motherhood well enough, and the joys and hopes of motherhood. 

For mothers of young children, especially those who spend a lot of time at home, just having time alone in adult company can be therapeutic. Taina Laane writes in her excellent book on mothering (Kirjapaja 2019) that many of the most important things in the world - family being one of them - are such that the worries and challenges associated with them cannot be solved alone, by curling up in one's own thoughts. You can go much further by courageously asking for help, discussing your worries with others, listening to their thoughts and extracting new perspectives from them. Mothers don't have to carry everything on their shoulders either. 

Shitty mothers and dear bodies

One of my key tools in mothers' groups is my colleague Annamari Ylianttila's book Mothers and the Joy of Writing (Wise Life 2016). For example, the Paskamutsi exercise developed by Ylianttila is ideal for reflecting on good enough motherhood, where you first write down all your own failures and insecurities, performance pressures and expectations and then write a "Good Enough Mother Manifesto", which defends every mother's right to be herself.

Ylianttila's Letter to My Body exercise, which invites you to listen to your own body, reflect on what it has done and look at yourself with merciful eyes, takes you into a different kind of mood. This exercise tends to sensitise all participants. It is a good example of the importance of an accepting gaze and touch, whether directed towards oneself or towards others.

The mother myth and fears

We also often write and discuss the myth of motherhood and our own relationship with motherhood, as well as the worries and fears associated with motherhood. This excerpt from Anna-Leena Härköse's autobiographical work Heikosti positinen (Otava 2003) aptly describes the many fears of a woman who has given birth to her first child, and is the subject of a lively debate. 

The drive home. I try to talk to the child reassuringly.

- Everything is very small, I whisper from the back seat, more to myself than to it. He's licking in the seat of the car and doesn't look nervous at all.

- "It'll all work out," I try to reassure Olli.- It's a strange thing if we can't keep one child alive over the weekend!

What lies and pretence. That's exactly what we can't do.

Fears in general are an important and fruitful theme. In her book, Hannele Törrönen points out that there is far too little talk about the fear of babies, given how paralysing and distressing it is. Often fear also escapes words, which is why other adults are needed to name and tame fears. Personally, I would add that it is also useful to use texts to identify and deal with fears, as it is easier to approach one's own problems and feelings through written texts than directly.

See also the video where I talk to Pauliina, who participated in my first mothers' group!

This article is originally based on an article published in the Finnish Association for Literacy Therapy (Literaturuusterapiayhdistys ry) magazine Kirjallisuusterapia 1/2020.

Sources

Härkönen, Anna-Leena (2003) Weakly positive. Helsinki. 

Laane, Taina (2019) Maternity care book: the alphabet of a more carefree everyday life. Helsinki: Kirjapaja.

McCarty Hynes, Arlene & Hynes-Berry, Mary (2012) Biblio/Poetry Therapy. The Interactive Process: a Handbook. Third edition. St. Cloud: North Star Press.

Reiter, Sherry (2009) The Ten Principles of Transformative Writing. In Reiter, S. et al. Writing Away the Demons: Stories of Creative Coping Through Transformative Writing. St. Cloud: North Star Press of St. Cloud, 1-17.

Törrönen, Hannele (2015) Parenting with a baby: a book of coping and joy. Helsinki.

Ylianttila, Annamari (2016) Mothers and the joy of writing: a guide to playful writing. Helsinki.